Questions – Page 3 – Resources for Ace Survivors

Friday Question: Gender-Based Triggers

By Elizabeth| 2015-09-04T11:35:21-04:00 September 4th, 2015|Categories: Questions|Tags: friday question, gender-based triggers, triggers|

Do you have any gender-related triggers? What do they look like, and how do you deal with them? - What kind of feelings about gender come up for you? Fear or nervousness? Anger? Aversion or disgust? Suspicion? - Are your triggers generalized to all of the people of the gender that you're most triggered by (for example, all women), or are you triggered rather by certain traits (like tallness, or certain clothing or hairstyles) but only when those traits are expressed in a person of a certain gender? Are there other factors playing into this besides gender? - Do any cultural messages or stereotypes you have received through your upbringing contribute to your triggers? (Have you been taught, for example, things like "men only want one thing"?)

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Friday Question: Revenge Fantasies

By Elizabeth| 2015-08-27T18:06:36-04:00 August 28th, 2015|Categories: Questions|Tags: discharging, friday question, intrusive violent thoughts, processing, revenge fantasies|

Do you ever have revenge fantasies or intrusive violent thoughts? How do you deal with them? - Have you ever tried processing through art, writing, music, or something else? Is there a particular form of processing that works best for you? - If you do discharge your fantasies through art or writing, it's often recommended that you then destroy the art or writing—destroying the evidence or a representation of your abuser can be even more cathartic than creating it. What method of destruction feels most cathartic for you? (For example, you might burn a letter, cut up a collage, or flush a drawing of your abuser down the toilet—I've even heard a story of a kid gleefully going #2 before flushing!)

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Friday Question: Educating Providers

By Elizabeth| 2015-08-21T16:03:00-04:00 August 21st, 2015|Categories: Questions|Tags: friday question|

Beyond the most basic asexuality 101 stuff, what is the one thing you most want medical, therapeutic, and other kinds of care and support providers to understand? - What are you worried won't be included in education efforts, or expanded upon enough to be fully understood? - What are your worries with regard to survivors being put in the spotlight by the wider ace community? What can you do to feel more safe during these discussions? - Do you have any suggestions to add to a list of additional reading materials to give out to providers? - What are some ways that you can educate your own providers that might feel safe(r) for you?

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Friday Question: Mistakes and Flaws

By Elizabeth| 2015-08-13T20:02:27-04:00 August 14th, 2015|Categories: Questions|Tags: affirmations, coping strategies, flaws, friday question, mistakes, self-blame, self-hatred|

We all make mistakes, but due to the abuse many of us have suffered, we may tend to be overly harsh with ourselves when we do. We may feel that we are just "a bad person who deserves bad things," or dwell on times when we may have hurt someone even more than the person who we may have hurt does. How do you deal with your mistakes or flaws? - How do you feel when you realize you've made a mistake? - How do you feel when you think about a part of yourself that you'd consider a flaw? - Do you feel like your self-perception is really distorted by your trauma? - Are there any actions you can take that you have found can help you interrupt the cycle of self-blame or self-hatred? - What are some affirmations or validating words that you can use as a mantra to help you get through times when you feel really bad about your mistakes/flaws?

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Friday Question: Toxic Communities

By Elizabeth| 2015-08-21T16:03:34-04:00 August 8th, 2015|Categories: Questions|Tags: friday question, self care, toxic communities|

How do you deal with a toxic atmosphere in your communities? - How does it affect you? Where do you feel it in your body? What emotions come up for you? - What sort of strategy to deal with it makes the most sense for you right now, in your current situation? Is it better for you to avoid the conflict right now, or tackle it head-on?

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