Recommended reading list
A list of notable posts about asexuality and sexual violence. Will be updated as more posts are written. (If you have recommendations for specific pieces you’d like to see included, feel free to contact us at [email protected] or drop me an ask.)
You can also view the reading list on our tumblr.
Also, blanket trigger warning for sexual violence on all of the linked posts. Most (if not all of them) have more specific trigger warnings at the top.
How do trauma and asexuality intersect?
- July Carnival of Aces: Doubt by theaceupmysleeve is about the process of questioning and doubt that many ace survivors go through—am I asexual because I was traumatized, or was I traumatized because I am asexual?
- When there never was any “before”… by meeresbande is about how to heal when you can’t remember life “before” trauma.
- It Gets Better: Chasing the “Before” by Sara is a vivid, powerful personal narrative about accepting and loving who you are now rather than searching for who you were “before” abuse and trauma.
- The Twisted Logic Used for Trauma by captainheartless is about how asexuality is taken as an indication of trauma, and asexual people (especially those who have been traumatized) are expected to search for their “real” selves.
Treatment of ace survivors inside and outside ace communities
- Do you want to? by Elizabeth is about the way that people in ace communities dismiss the possibility of aces experiencing sexual violence, which leads to ace survivors not wanting to speak about the issue, which means that we simply don’t know how wide-spread a problem it is.
- Challenges faced by asexual spectrum survivors of sexual violence by queenieofaces (here on The Asexual Agenda) is what it says on the tin.
- Here goes everything by queenieofaces (here on The Asexual Agenda) is about the way that ace survivors’ narratives are utilized for specific political means in ace communities, while survivors themselves are ignored and silenced.
- A revolution for the crooked souls by lemonyandbeatrice is about the ways in which the Unassailable Asexual and the Model Rape Survivor intersect.
- Shutting Up: On writing, audience, and representation by Elizabeth is about the vulnerability necessary to talk about sexually violent experiences, and how self-representation can be read (and misread).
- I must be making it up by Elizabeth is about the ways our stories are discounted and disbelieved.
- Disingenuous, “shallow” support by Elizabeth is about how passively supporting survivors isn’t enough and abuse can even come from in-group members (such as other aces).
Asexuality, sexual violence, and aversion/repulsion/indifference
- On Sexual Abuse, Repulsion, and Aversion in the Asexual Community by rainbow-after-the-stormy addresses the idea of trauma shaping identity (including sex-aversion/sex-repulsion), and ultimately rejects the idea that an identity influenced by trauma is “fake.”
- Repulsed, conflicted…picky by epochryphal is about how difficult it can be to untangle feelings about sex from trauma.
- Sex Indifference and My Decision to Take Sex Out of the Picture by Sara is about how sex can be presented as all-or-nothing in ace spaces, and how you can be sex-indifferent and not want to have sex (because of a history or trauma or just because you don’t want to).
How can I support ace survivors?
- Stop bringing up sexual assault to dismiss asexuality! by swankivy
- Things supporters can do to actively make ace spaces more welcoming for ace survivors of sexual violence by queenieofaces
- Please give survivor-competent ace advice! by queenieofaces
- An Ace Survivor’s Manifesto by queenieofaces is what it says on the tin.
- There is no control group for the universe by Coyote is about how sometimes we can’t know what caused asexuality and how to come to peace with not knowing.
- Asexual, because reasons by Siggy is about why searching for a “reason” for asexuality is pointless, and why asexuality that has a “reason” for its existence is still valid.
Self-care and recovery
- This post by lemonyandbeatrice on trauma-induced hypersexuality and asexuality explains how she accepts hypersexuality as a valid way of coping with trauma but also sets rules to limit herself during hypersexual periods.
- virginity and an ace survivor by meeresbande is one way of thinking through asexuality, sexual violence, and virginity.
- Survivor Words by epochryphal thinks through the possible terms to refer to people who have experienced abuse and trauma.
- What is Resilience? by Elizabeth introduces the components of resilience and offers some thoughts on how to fortify oneself.
- Art and Recovery by Raven is about processing trauma through art.
- Why It’s Okay to Refuse Therapy by Stormy is about how avoiding therapy can be healing, especially given the difficulty in obtaining proper care if you belong to a marginalized group.
- When Sexual Abuse Comes in the Form of Words by Raven is about how to cope with the fallout and triggers from verbal abuse.
Asexuality, sexual violence, and mental health
- Mental Health, Sexual Assault, and Why I’m Not Talking About It Anymore by Sara is a personal narrative about the toll of speaking about sexual assault.
- Playing on HELL MODE by queenieofaces (here on The Asexual Agenda) is about what it’s like to have PTSD.
Check out this collection of posts on asexuality and mental health for more.
Written by ace survivors for ace survivors and personal narratives
- Writing by ace survivors for ace survivors by Crystal Dawn
- I deserve better: an ace-survivors tale by Kelly
- Writing by ace survivors for ace survivors submission by anonymous
- By ace survivors for ace survivors submission by anonymous
- Gentle Nuances by Elizabeth
- Submission to by ace survivors for ace survivors by anonymous
- I’ve been here all along by Siggy
- A Demisexual Survivor’s Experience by Arf
- Violence Our Own Minds Play Out by anonymous
(This post was last updated 8/21/2015.)