The following rules apply to both our forum and our blog comments section.
- This is a safe space for discussion and venting. We have specific protocols in place for keeping our space as safe and confidential as possible; please refer to the categories themselves for more specific rules. Please also keep in mind that this is a peer support network. We do not give medical or legal advice.
Do not reproduce someone’s personal story elsewhere without their express written permission—even if their post or comment is not private, even if you don’t reproduce it verbatim, even if you only share parts of it, and even if you never refer to them by name. People who share their story here do so with the expectation that it will stay in the context of this community, and have weighed the risks. Sharing it outside of this circle introduces risk that they may not be counting on, and may include risks that you personally are unaware of, so even if it seems like a safe context for you, it may not be for them. It may result in: harassment; an abuser seeing them share their story; awkward and painful situations with friends, family, or others; or being outed.
Sharing someone else’s story without permission is grounds for immediate removal. It is really not okay.
- Do not out anyone as asexual or disclose that they are a survivor of any type of abuse/violence. Do not reveal personal information about anyone, and be careful not to cross streams if someone maintains more than one pseudonym online. Members have the option to post as anonymous (to do so, check “Hide your name” under the post). If you know which member posted something, please do not indicate that you know or hint at their identity. They are posting as anonymous for a reason.
Hateful, threatening, harassing, or otherwise abusive language will not be tolerated. Beyond that, please don’t be a jerk. Being rude, passive aggressive, or otherwise exclusionary is also not acceptable; moderators will apply their best judgment in such cases. As a member, it is your responsibility to create a safe and supportive atmosphere.
We are a diverse community and we aim to maintain a space as safe as possible for every survivor, so please do not post anything discriminatory. That means that:
a) racism, sexism, ableism, transphobia, homophobia, etc. or any kind of intolerance on the basis of national origin, religion or atheism are not allowed. Please also try to be respectful of others’ identities, including multiplicity, otherkin, or things like cupioromanticism.
b) Please do not mock anyone for their grammar/language usage—it may be due to disability, English not being their first language, etc. If you can, please try to replace ableist language (like “crazy”) with the substitutes offered on this list. However, we ask members to understand that some of us may not be capable of making that sort of change, and language policing can be a barrier to some survivors. We ask everyone to please assume that everyone here is making a good faith effort (unless it is abundantlyclear that they are not, in which case it’s best to contact the mods).
c) Please also try to use others’ preferred pronouns—these can be specified on each users’ profile pages. If you are unsure of what pronoun to use, please ask. They/them in the singular will be considered acceptable in the meantime. Please NEVER refer to someone as “it” unless they specifically ask.
d) You may not gatekeep others’ identity as asexual, nor post anything which suggests that aces are sex-averse, who have sex, or consider themselves gray- or demisexual are “fake” asexuals making “normal” aces look bad.
e) You may not post anything that suggests that there is only One True Way to be either asexual or a survivor. Please do not try to rank violent experiences as “better” or “worse.” This is not the Oppression Olympics, and trauma is entirely subjective; it can result from things that you might consider relatively “benign.” (However, it’s okay to post about how you personally have felt about your own trauma—i.e. “I feel like I shouldn’t be reacting like this because other have it so much worse” or similar.)
- Please try to include appropriate trigger warnings for your posts. We have a list of suggested tags here [note: add link]. Do not use triggering images as your avatar. Please post especially triggering material—descriptions of violence, slurs, sexually explicit material, etc.—inside spoiler tags, so that each user can choose for themselves whether to see it or not.
Example trigger warning:
triggering content goes here
To create a spoiler tag, write spoiler and /spoiler in between [ and ] brackets, with the triggering text in the middle. You can highlight the triggering text and then click the question mark icon in the toolbar to do this automatically. Moderators reserve the right to edit any post to add trigger warnings and spoiler tags as necessary.
- When you start a new discussion, please try to use a descriptive title. Listing every trigger warning in the title is not necessary (although please do try to include them all at the top of posts and in tags), but the more descriptive your discussion/thread title is, the better users will be able to judge whether it’s something they can handle right now. BAD example: “Bad dreams”. GOOD example: “Dream of abuser, animal abuse, struggling with memories and discernment”.
Try to keep posts appropriate to the category, and on-topic within a thread. Follow forum-specific rules where applicable. If you see any posts that are miscategorized, don’t include appropriate trigger warnings, or otherwise break rules, please flag the post (the option to flag should appear on the top right) so a moderator can take action. Try to provide a descriptive reason.
Please try to operate in good faith with your fellow members. There will be times when members post things that you might find very upsetting or offensive. Please express your feelings as I statements (“I feel that…”) and try to use conflict-resolution skills. It is very possible that this member did not intend to cause any offense, and it was just a poor choice of words that resulted in a misunderstanding. Moderators may not be able to take immediate action or may not do what you think they should do, but please try to remember that we are all doing our best.
If you have a problem with a post, you can flag it by clicking “flag” at the top right of the post. If you need something added to our list of trigger warning tags, or have a problem with a comment or another member, please email [email protected] or PM our moderators to help resolve it (you can PM to multiple recipients and the list of moderators’ usernames is available on ourteam page).
Please realize that sending a Tumblr ask is not an effective way to report a problem, because only Queenie has access to the Tumblr. Our mods will not be notified about any problems until she is available to pass the message on, and this also would create a lot more work for her.
If you would like to…
a) Change your username
b) Report a problem with a moderator
c) Resolve a problem with permissions (i.e. you cannot view/do something you should be able to)
…please contact an administrator. In most cases, Elizabeth (@prismatangle) will be the most appropriate person to contact. Queenie is very busy and prefers not to engage with forums, so please respect her wishes; only come to her with a forum problem if you absolutely do not trust anyone else.