Every Friday we will pose a question for you all to discuss or privately consider. You can engage with it publicly here on the RFAS blog, or you can join our forum (details below) for a more private discussion. You can write it down to think about later, journal about it, or bring it in to a therapy session with you.
Every Friday we will pose a question for you all to discuss or privately consider. You can engage with it publicly here on the RFAS blog, or you can join our forum (details below) for a more private discussion. You can write it down to think about later, journal about it, or bring it in to a therapy session with you.
It is normal to worry about how something might go – a test, meeting someone new, trying a new food, anything. But it is important to not build up a lot of anxiety and stress over all of the potential horrible ways it could go wrong. Here’s a little “imaginary reality” activity that might help give you some perspective.
How do you deal with burnout? - Do you personally have a way that works best for you? Have you tried anything that hasn't worked out well for you? - Do you think that the way that you typically handle burnout is healthy, or do you feel that you tend to resort to unhealthy coping methods? - Does burnout, for you, feel triggering in some way? If so, is it an overt (or obvious) trigger, or a covert trigger (one that you do not or had not realized is a trigger)? - Are there triggers that come up for you when you're feeling burned out that aren't directly related, but are heavily influenced by being burned out in some way? - What is it that you think makes the ace community more prone to experiencing burnout?
Our feelings often play an important role in the decisions we make and the things we do and how we feel about doing them. It’s important to feel in control of these feelings, or at least recognize what they are, and what we can do while we are feeling certain ways. It’s important to recognize that the multitude of things we have feelings about, and the multitude of feelings we can have, can be confusing. Do you ever feel like you have to limit yourself to one emotion? Why?
The passage of time in general can be worth thinking about. Our relationship to the world around us is always changing, as we change and the world changes. It’s important to remember that it is okay to hold onto and let go of things as we are able, to feel alternately out of control and in control of where we are going and where we have been. Take a moment to contemplate your year in review — how do you feel about it?
Verbal assertion affects many parts of our lives. Whether we want to speak or voice an opinion, whether it be raising a hand to propose an answer to a complex problem or refusing a drink refill, it can be momentarily panicking to make a decision. We make so many decisions every day, more than we can probably mentally spend time being conscious of. Many things we choose to do are automatic. Others we think about very carefully. It can be just as hard to give or refuse yourself permission to do something, as it can be to give or refuse someone else permission to do something. Understanding the scope of the power of our words, our right to speak, and our right to set boundaries and be respected — that is a beginning foundation of successful communication.
December is typically a month with a very strong theme of "family" and "togetherness," which can be quite tough for survivors and ace people alike, since both groups tend to be more likely to be estranged from family. So I've been thinking about family in several different ways lately, and I'm wondering if others have this on their minds, too. What does family mean to you?
Sometimes we can't help knowing that a certain anniversary is coming up if it has emotional meaning. Sometimes the way we mark time is not even overly personal, but days that have meaning for many people, such as holidays, can still feel different depending on what you have been through and what you associate with those days. Also, sometimes a milestone does not have to happen by default or fall on a particular day. We set milestones or goals for ourselves all the time, telling ourselves, "I will finish this book" or "I will go to the grocery store," like to-do lists or bucket lists. It is important to remember to celebrate little accomplishments, and try not to become obsessed with possibilities of not handling something well or not doing something "right" or "in time." It can be helpful to have a mixture of short-term and long-term, easier and harder, goals, so you consistently feel like you are living meaningfully but you also always have things to look forward to.
What are some forms of self-care for you that people don't typically suggest/encourage or think of as self-care? - Are there things that you do to take care of yourself that you've had a hard time recognizing as a form of self-care? Have any of your needs gone unmet because of this? - Are there things that others often suggest as self-care that just don't work for you? What are they, and do you know why it is they don't work for you? If you can articulate that, it may help with explaining to those people why they should stop suggesting that to you, or possibly help you figure out what it is that you need instead. - Is it helpful for you to, as Miri put it, "distinguish between the self-care we do to replenish and sustain ourselves, and the self-care we do to prevent ourselves from falling to pieces completely"—in other words, to think about self-care very differently depending on what you need in the moment? What kinds of self-care work better when you need to replenish/sustain, and which work better when your goal is to just keep yourself together?