What are some forms of self-care for you that people don't typically suggest/encourage or think of as self-care? - Are there things that you do to take care of yourself that you've had a hard time recognizing as a form of self-care? Have any of your needs gone unmet because of this? - Are there things that others often suggest as self-care that just don't work for you? What are they, and do you know why it is they don't work for you? If you can articulate that, it may help with explaining to those people why they should stop suggesting that to you, or possibly help you figure out what it is that you need instead. - Is it helpful for you to, as Miri put it, "distinguish between the self-care we do to replenish and sustain ourselves, and the self-care we do to prevent ourselves from falling to pieces completely"—in other words, to think about self-care very differently depending on what you need in the moment? What kinds of self-care work better when you need to replenish/sustain, and which work better when your goal is to just keep yourself together?
Every other Saturday we will post links relevant to survivors. (My apologies for being a few days late in posting this, and for not posting a question on Friday. I had some unexpected difficulties this past weekend that ended up keeping me away from my computer. I am fine though, [...]
For a lot of survivors, trauma is kind of cyclical, and different seasons tend to bring with them different kinds of triggers or feelings. Sometimes we don't even realize the effect that seasonal changes have on us, but simply feel like things are suddenly different, and have a harder time coping without understanding why. It's a good idea to give some serious thought to how seasons can affect us, so today I want to offer some questions to get you thinking about that. Do seasons affect the way you experience your trauma? - Do you tend to feel more easily triggered during certain seasons? - Do seasons tend to affect your mood more generally? - Do you have different triggers or challenges to navigate during different seasons? - Are some of the ways that you use to cope not accessible to you during this time of year? Or, do you have more ways of coping than you would normally?
Every other Saturday we will post links relevant to survivors. (But since Saturday was Halloween, we’re posting today instead.) Please feel free to discuss these links in the comments, or post more links! Trigger warnings appreciated, and self-promotion welcome. Blanket trigger warning for all of these posts. […]
This week is Asexual Awareness Week, and I know that many of us have been doing things for it, even if it's something as low-key as just wearing ace pride colors. In light of that, I want to keep this week's question simple: What does the ace community mean to you? Where and how did you first connect with it? How did it feel? What sort of impact has it had on your life? Are there parts of it that are harder to connect to? Are there parts that feel more welcoming? What kinds of connection to the ace community do you have now? Is it changing in any way?
What are the things you need to/have had to let go of, to stop blaming yourself or feeling guilty? - To those of you who have managed to stop blaming yourself for what happened to you: what was most helpful? Was there something in particular that helped you realize that it wasn't your fault? - To those of you who still struggle with self-blame: What is it that you tend to get most stuck on? Sometimes, if we talk about these thoughts and feelings, it can help to combat them with logic, and to hear validation from an outside perspective.
It's important not to speak over survivors. Sometimes people speak of "protecting" ace survivors but then don't listen to what we actually have to say. We are the experts, and we have been the ones to create nearly all resources currently available for other survivors. If you want to help us, then it is a good idea to link to things we've already written. But sharing links to our posts can also be inappropriate or dangerous, exposing us only to further harm. It's important to take care with what you share and where you share it. If you can remember these three rules, you should be able to figure out whether linking to a post made by a survivor is appropriate—and if not, please just ask permission!
One of the exercises my therapist had me do when I first started seeing her was to create a mental sanctuary of sorts where I could go within my mind when the physical spaces around me don't feel safe. Through a guided meditation, we associated a word with that feeling. Now, I can say that word to myself, close my eyes, and go to that place in my mind. What about you? Where do you feel most safe?