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Personal narrative from an anonymous author

By | 2018-04-10T00:26:39-04:00 September 15th, 2015|Categories: By & For Ace Survivors, Personal Narratives, Sharing|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

My experiences have caused me to lose faith in the idea that people will come to understand and acknowledge my sexuality without an explicit statement that I am asexual. Even this statement rarely generates understanding or compassion from friends; usually I am met with confusion, discomfort, or even silent denial in the form of attempting to steer the conversation elsewhere.

Friday Question: Small Comforts

By | 2015-09-11T22:13:18-04:00 September 11th, 2015|Categories: Questions|Tags: , |

Sometimes long-lasting happiness feels elusive, and our burdens feel too great. It can be easy to slip into hopelessness, so this week I want to focus on small, bite-sized bits of happier feelings. Even if the good feelings last only a little while, they can still be a very helpful tool for fighting off depression, fear, invasive thoughts, and all the other not-so-great leftovers of trauma. Seeing others share these moments can give us a little vicarious joy too, and help us learn to look for and really savor these moments in our own lives. What things in the past week have brought you happiness, comfort, or a sense of safety?

Friday Question: Gender-Based Triggers

By | 2015-09-04T11:35:21-04:00 September 4th, 2015|Categories: Questions|Tags: , , |

Do you have any gender-related triggers? What do they look like, and how do you deal with them? - What kind of feelings about gender come up for you? Fear or nervousness? Anger? Aversion or disgust? Suspicion? - Are your triggers generalized to all of the people of the gender that you're most triggered by (for example, all women), or are you triggered rather by certain traits (like tallness, or certain clothing or hairstyles) but only when those traits are expressed in a person of a certain gender? Are there other factors playing into this besides gender? - Do any cultural messages or stereotypes you have received through your upbringing contribute to your triggers? (Have you been taught, for example, things like "men only want one thing"?)

Here goes everything

By | 2018-04-10T00:16:29-04:00 September 3rd, 2015|Categories: For Activists, For Supporters, Intersectional Issues, Personal Narratives|Tags: , , , , , , , |

I discovered the Wikipedia page for asexuality in January of 2008. By September of the same year, I had PTSD. These two facts are not unrelated. The story is sickeningly cliche, to be honest. Young Queenie discovers asexuality a month and a half into her first romantic relationship. When she comes out to her boyfriend, he tells her, “You’re not asexual; we just haven’t tried the right things yet.” Young Queenie doesn’t have enough knowledge or self-confidence to stand her ground. Boyfriend pushes at her boundaries, seeing how far he can overstep them before Queenie freaks out and throws him off her or…

Friday Question: Revenge Fantasies

By | 2015-08-27T18:06:36-04:00 August 28th, 2015|Categories: Questions|Tags: , , , , |

Do you ever have revenge fantasies or intrusive violent thoughts? How do you deal with them? - Have you ever tried processing through art, writing, music, or something else? Is there a particular form of processing that works best for you? - If you do discharge your fantasies through art or writing, it's often recommended that you then destroy the art or writing—destroying the evidence or a representation of your abuser can be even more cathartic than creating it. What method of destruction feels most cathartic for you? (For example, you might burn a letter, cut up a collage, or flush a drawing of your abuser down the toilet—I've even heard a story of a kid gleefully going #2 before flushing!)

On Sexual Abuse, Repulsion, and Aversion in the Asexual Community

By | 2018-04-10T00:14:30-04:00 August 27th, 2015|Categories: Personal Narratives|Tags: , , , , |

I questioned for a long time whether or not I was sex repulsed or simply sex averse. A quick Google search will tell you that repulsion and aversion are synonyms, but our community hasn’t always used them in their dictionary defined sense. I think that we’ve differentiated these terms to help us better describe ourselves. In most contexts “aversion” has been used to mean “strong dislike” whereas “repulsion” implies physical reaction involving disgust. In theory, neither of these things actually involve sexual attraction (which we define sexual orientation on), they just happen to frequently accompany the asexual experience. Unfortunately sex aversion/repulsion also frequently accompanies the aftermath of sexual assault. This posed a dilemma for me: If I did feel sexual aversion, was it the result of my asexuality or sexual trauma?

Triggers Everywhere: Refocusing in College After Trauma

By | 2018-04-09T02:41:45-04:00 August 25th, 2015|Categories: By & For Ace Survivors, Personal Narratives|Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

College can be hard even when nothing traumatic happens to you – especially in a physical therapy doctorate program – but navigating hallways where you could pass your rapist at any moment is hard on another level. And on a small campus, where he’s popular and you’re not? It can feel like all you can do is brace yourself. Forget support systems or telling anyone his name.

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