Personal Narratives – Page 2 – Resources for Ace Survivors

Here goes everything
Gallery
Here goes everything

Here goes everything

By Queenie| 2018-04-10T00:16:29-04:00 September 3rd, 2015|Categories: For Activists, For Supporters, Intersectional Issues, Personal Narratives|Tags: community, homophobia, intersectionality, Latina stereotypes, racism, sexual violence, survivors as rhetorical device, unassailable asexual|

I discovered the Wikipedia page for asexuality in January of 2008. By September of the same year, I had PTSD. These two facts are not unrelated. The story is sickeningly cliche, to be honest. Young Queenie discovers asexuality a month and a half into her first romantic relationship. When she comes out to her boyfriend, he tells her, “You’re not asexual; we just haven’t tried the right things yet.” Young Queenie doesn’t have enough knowledge or self-confidence to stand her ground. Boyfriend pushes at her boundaries, seeing how far he can overstep them before Queenie freaks out and throws him off her or…

1

On Sexual Abuse, Repulsion, and Aversion in the Asexual Community
Gallery
On Sexual Abuse, Repulsion, and Aversion in the Asexual Community

On Sexual Abuse, Repulsion, and Aversion in the Asexual Community

By Storm| 2018-04-10T00:14:30-04:00 August 27th, 2015|Categories: Personal Narratives|Tags: rape, sex repulsion, sex-aversion, sexual abuse, sexual assault|

I questioned for a long time whether or not I was sex repulsed or simply sex averse. A quick Google search will tell you that repulsion and aversion are synonyms, but our community hasn’t always used them in their dictionary defined sense. I think that we’ve differentiated these terms to help us better describe ourselves. In most contexts “aversion” has been used to mean “strong dislike” whereas “repulsion” implies physical reaction involving disgust. In theory, neither of these things actually involve sexual attraction (which we define sexual orientation on), they just happen to frequently accompany the asexual experience. Unfortunately sex aversion/repulsion also frequently accompanies the aftermath of sexual assault. This posed a dilemma for me: If I did feel sexual aversion, was it the result of my asexuality or sexual trauma?

7

Triggers Everywhere: Refocusing in College After Trauma
Gallery
Triggers Everywhere: Refocusing in College After Trauma

Triggers Everywhere: Refocusing in College After Trauma

By Bethany| 2018-04-09T02:41:45-04:00 August 25th, 2015|Categories: By & For Ace Survivors, Personal Narratives|Tags: college, cutting, depression, personal narrative, ptsd, rape, self-blame, self-harm, support network, triggers|

College can be hard even when nothing traumatic happens to you – especially in a physical therapy doctorate program – but navigating hallways where you could pass your rapist at any moment is hard on another level. And on a small campus, where he’s popular and you’re not? It can feel like all you can do is brace yourself. Forget support systems or telling anyone his name.

2

Violence Our Own Minds Play Out
Gallery
Violence Our Own Minds Play Out

Violence Our Own Minds Play Out

By Guest Post| 2018-04-09T02:55:14-04:00 August 18th, 2015|Categories: By & For Ace Survivors, Personal Narratives|Tags: CSA, erotica, kink, masturbation, rape fantasies, self-harm, sex as a commodity, sex as self-harm, substance abuse|

Sometimes we visit violence upon ourselves, not just by intentionally harming ourselves or putting ourselves in dangerous situations, but by perverting things we enjoy or letting our mind run away with our feelings. It’s important to recognize the violence our own mind is playing out and address it, or else our mind wanders away.

0

When Sexual Abuse Comes in the Form of Words
Gallery
When Sexual Abuse Comes in the Form of Words

When Sexual Abuse Comes in the Form of Words

By Raven| 2018-04-10T00:09:55-04:00 July 28th, 2015|Categories: By & For Ace Survivors, Child Sexual Abuse, Coping Strategies, Personal Narratives, Self Care, Sexual Harassment, Verbal Abuse|Tags: body shaming, coping strategies, CSA, self care, sex positivity, sexual harassment, techniques to try, verbal abuse|

One aspect of CSA that I don't see discussed very often is sexually charged verbal abuse. My experience with this is as a CSA survivor specifically, but I could also see where it could potentially be an issue for adult survivors of sexual violence well. In my own experience, the sexualized verbal abuse I was subjected to has actually been one of the hardest aspects to recover from long term.

4

It Gets Better: Chasing the ‘Before’
Gallery
It Gets Better: Chasing the ‘Before’

It Gets Better: Chasing the ‘Before’

By Guest Post| 2018-04-10T00:38:36-04:00 July 21st, 2015|Categories: Asexuality & Mental Health, By & For Ace Survivors, Personal Narratives|Tags: adoption, CSA, cycle of abuse, discrediting, Dissociative Identity Disorder, invalidation, multiple assaults, not being believed, personal narrative, pregnancy, prostitution, rape, shaming, substance abuse, suicide attempt, use of drugs to assault, victim blaming|

Probably the worst part of it was how my grandparents urged me to go back to who I was 'before'. For me, there was no before. I didn't realize it then, but for many of the victims of repeated childhood sexual abuse, there is no 'before'. You know the one. Before the abuse. Before the pain. Before the brokenness. Now, when I think about who I was 'before', I realize that it wasn't as clear-cut as my grandparents and the psychologist made it out to be. Now, I realize that the 'before' they referred to was their own—namely, before they knew about the abuse. Today, I have a different 'before'. Before I decided to live for me. Before I forgave myself. Before I realized that my life is valid, no matter what.

0

A Demisexual Survivor’s Experience
Gallery
A Demisexual Survivor’s Experience

A Demisexual Survivor’s Experience

By Guest Post| 2018-04-10T02:35:27-04:00 July 14th, 2015|Categories: By & For Ace Survivors, Personal Narratives|Tags: alcohol, casual sex, deception, demisexual, kink, personal narratives|

I didn’t know I was demisexual for years. My experience of demisexuality is superficially similar to the experiences of many allosexuals, and I didn’t know that I wasn’t experiencing sexual attraction. I liked sex as much as the next person and I was kinky, too. Apart from taking longer than everyone else to find boys cute, I didn’t think anything was unusual.

0

Art and Recovery
Gallery
Art and Recovery

Art and Recovery

By Raven| 2018-04-10T03:55:57-04:00 July 7th, 2015|Categories: Art Therapy, By & For Ace Survivors, Coping Strategies, Personal Narratives, Recovery, Resilience, Self Care, Sharing, Therapy|Tags: art, art therapy, creativity, recovery, resilience|

People seem to think that therapeutic art is always about expressing your pain and negative feelings. While drawing out images of exactly what the pain and terror of abuse feels like can be cathartic and hugely helpful, art that is about joy, comfort, beauty and color can act as a sort of refuge.

10

Why It’s Okay to Refuse Therapy
Gallery
Why It’s Okay to Refuse Therapy

Why It’s Okay to Refuse Therapy

By Storm| 2018-04-10T02:11:07-04:00 June 30th, 2015|Categories: Abuse, Asexuality & Mental Health, By & For Ace Survivors, Education, For Professionals, Medical & Therapist Abuse, Personal Narratives, Sharing, Therapy|Tags: ableism, conversion therapy, gatekeeping, medical abuse, therapist abuse, therapy, toxic therapy|

Medical professionals of all kinds are well known for abusing every marginalized group known to humanity, and therapists are no exception. But we are told to get over it or told to "find another doctor." So for all of the people out there who feel that therapy is toxic: I'm making room for your narrative in the survivor discourse. It's okay to refuse therapy. It's okay to be hostile towards medical personnel, especially when they have abused you. It's okay to talk about your horrible experiences with therapy.

4

Playing on HELL MODE
Gallery
Playing on HELL MODE

Playing on HELL MODE

By Queenie| 2018-04-09T02:36:55-04:00 June 30th, 2015|Categories: Asexuality & Mental Health, Personal Narratives|

When I tell people I have PTSD, I think they have a very particular image in their head of what that’s like--PTSD is a (male) veteran waking up from nightmares of the war, drenched in sweat. The problem is, while that might be what PTSD is like for a very particular subset of the population, that’s not what PTSD is like for me at all.

2