victim blaming – Resources for Ace Survivors

a revolution for the crooked souls.
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a revolution for the crooked souls.

a revolution for the crooked souls.

By Guest Post| 2018-04-10T00:31:44-04:00 November 12th, 2015|Categories: Intersectional Issues, Personal Narratives|Tags: acephobia, amatonormativity, cissexism, compulsory sexuality, heteronormativity, hypersexual, identity policing, model rape survivor, rape, rape culture, requiesromantic, requiessexual, self-harm, sex as self-harm, sex-aversion, unassailable asexual, victim blaming|

I’m a “bad” rape victim. A Model Rape Survivor doesn’t know her attacker. My rapist is essentially a stranger to me, but that night was not the first time I had met him. She is dressed modestly and cannot be held responsible due to those clothing choices. I wore one of my shortest dresses and no bra when I walked into his apartment. She’s virginal and chaste, only doing the appropriate sexual things with appropriate people. I considered myself a virgin at the time, though I’m sure other people might disagree, but I’d gone to his place to mess around in the first place.

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Ace Survivors as Rhetorical Devices (part three): The One True Narrative of Sexual Violence Against Aces
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Ace Survivors as Rhetorical Devices (part three): The One True Narrative of Sexual Violence Against Aces

Ace Survivors as Rhetorical Devices (part three): The One True Narrative of Sexual Violence Against Aces

By Queenie| 2018-04-10T01:56:58-04:00 November 5th, 2015|Categories: Education, For Activists, For Supporters|Tags: ace on ace sexual violence, ace survivors as rhetorical devices series, corrective rape, CSA, heterosexism, Latina stereotypes, political use of survivors, racism, The One True Narrative of Sexual Violence Against Aces, victim blaming|

In this post I’m going to discuss the way bloggers construct The One True Narrative of The Way Sexual Violence Happens to Aces. This can take several forms. First, the author may assume that all ace survivors fit into a particular narrative of sexual violence (usually corrective rape by an allosexual romantic partner). Second, the author may acknowledge that sexual violence against aces may happen in multiple ways, but may highlight one way as more important or “real” than the rest.

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Ace Survivors as Rhetorical Devices (part two): Using Ace Survivors to Win Political Arguments
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Ace Survivors as Rhetorical Devices (part two): Using Ace Survivors to Win Political Arguments

Ace Survivors as Rhetorical Devices (part two): Using Ace Survivors to Win Political Arguments

By Queenie| 2018-04-10T01:39:45-04:00 October 15th, 2015|Categories: Education, For Activists, For Supporters|Tags: ace survivors as rhetorical devices series, coercive rape, corrective rape, intimate partner rape, political use of survivors, rape, respectability politics, victim blaming|

Can you replace ace survivors in your arguments with an Oppressed Lamp—i.e. is your argument drawing on something specific about the experiences and feelings of ace survivors or is it using ace survivors as short-hand for “oppressed, beaten, helpless things you should pity”? If you’re using “ace survivors” to mean “super oppressed aces you should feel really bad for,” you’re probably using ace survivors as rhetorical devices.

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Personal narrative from an anonymous author
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Personal narrative from an anonymous author

Personal narrative from an anonymous author

By Guest Post| 2018-04-10T00:26:39-04:00 September 15th, 2015|Categories: By & For Ace Survivors, Personal Narratives, Sharing|Tags: abusive friendship, by ace survivors for ace survivors, college, depression, domestic violence, intimate partner rape, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, personal narrative, rape, self-harm, threats of physical violence, victim blaming|

My experiences have caused me to lose faith in the idea that people will come to understand and acknowledge my sexuality without an explicit statement that I am asexual. Even this statement rarely generates understanding or compassion from friends; usually I am met with confusion, discomfort, or even silent denial in the form of attempting to steer the conversation elsewhere.

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An Ace Survivor’s Manifesto
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An Ace Survivor’s Manifesto

An Ace Survivor’s Manifesto

By Queenie| 2018-04-09T02:40:20-04:00 August 13th, 2015|Categories: By & For Ace Survivors, Coping Strategies, Intersectional Issues, Self Care|Tags: affirmations, corrective rape, identity policing, intersectionality, manifesto, victim blaming|

I am allowed to occupy space in the universe, regardless of how “difficult” or “complicated” or “messy” I may be. I am allowed to identify as a survivor or a victim or something else entirely. I am allowed to identify as asexual, even if I don’t know whether past experiences “caused” or “contributed to” my asexuality. I am allowed to use the words that work best for me. I am not required to defend my sexual orientation because of my status as a survivor. I am not required to defend my status as a survivor because of my sexual orientation.

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Challenges faced by asexual spectrum survivors of sexual violence (part 1)
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Challenges faced by asexual spectrum survivors of sexual violence (part 1)

Challenges faced by asexual spectrum survivors of sexual violence (part 1)

By Queenie| 2018-04-12T00:45:21-04:00 July 23rd, 2015|Categories: Compulsory Sexuality, Education, For Activists, For Professionals, For Supporters, Rape Culture|Tags: ace community, awful things people say, challenges faced by ace survivors series, coercion, compromise, compulsory sexuality, corrective rape, CSA, rape culture, sexuality policing, victim blaming|

This series focuses on awful things people say to asexual spectrum survivors of sexual violence, sometimes out of spite, sometimes out of concern, and sometimes out of ignorance. Each section has a quote (or collection of related quotes) followed by a "translation" of the quote (or a distillation of the essence of the argument, if you will) and then commentary on why this is an awful thing to say (and suggestions for things you can say instead).

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It Gets Better: Chasing the ‘Before’
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It Gets Better: Chasing the ‘Before’

It Gets Better: Chasing the ‘Before’

By Guest Post| 2018-04-10T00:38:36-04:00 July 21st, 2015|Categories: Asexuality & Mental Health, By & For Ace Survivors, Personal Narratives|Tags: adoption, CSA, cycle of abuse, discrediting, Dissociative Identity Disorder, invalidation, multiple assaults, not being believed, personal narrative, pregnancy, prostitution, rape, shaming, substance abuse, suicide attempt, use of drugs to assault, victim blaming|

Probably the worst part of it was how my grandparents urged me to go back to who I was 'before'. For me, there was no before. I didn't realize it then, but for many of the victims of repeated childhood sexual abuse, there is no 'before'. You know the one. Before the abuse. Before the pain. Before the brokenness. Now, when I think about who I was 'before', I realize that it wasn't as clear-cut as my grandparents and the psychologist made it out to be. Now, I realize that the 'before' they referred to was their own—namely, before they knew about the abuse. Today, I have a different 'before'. Before I decided to live for me. Before I forgave myself. Before I realized that my life is valid, no matter what.

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